— shitposting in velothi

Because I owe you guys a proper entry in my Velothi conlang series, but then I saw this post on shitposting in dovahzul and decided that sounded like more fun. (THIS IS NOT CANON. i make up words for cheap jollies.)

fight me in real life/irl - yakuh ahlkuli hael (lit: fight me for real)

meet me in the pit  - shannuh hael sun-halud

NOTE: the Velothi word for “pit”, “halud”, really means a hole dug into the ground, and usually tends to be shorthand for latrine. An Ashlander would squint at you, and ask if you meant “cave” (vas) or  perhaps “mine” (yabi). So you might wanna pick something less literal. Such as “zanud”, an arranged place for a duel. Your call. “Meet me in the shithole” has a certain ring to it, after all. Are we not shitposting, here?

git gud - kunuh mae (feel free to knock some letters off, for maximum authenticity)

not all men - adiyasa dommi

mmm whatcha say - mmm na'azait zael OR mmm na’azaim zael

Verb usage is gendered - azait = masculine, azaim - feminine. If you don’t know the gender of the person you’re saying this to, tradition dictates masculine is used for neutral, though there is a movement among less traditional Ashlanders to move away from this. No one can agree where to move TO, however.

friendzone - arashrari

come at me bro(ther) - kahuh ahhael eri(sh)

eat my entire ass - sannuh yasamahan

Literally: Eat the entire ass. Velothi drops possessives like “your=nuhl” when context makes it obvious, or, as in this case, when what matters is that someone gets told to eat an ass, not whose it is. If unspecified, the speaker’s would be assumed in any case.

lemme eat yo ass - almuruh sanninnu mahan nuhl

BUT: a more colloquial and likely phrasing would be to use the optative (Velothi loves the optative):

I wanna eat yo ass - sannoith mahan nuhl OR sannoim mahan nuhl

Sannoim is feminine usage, sannoith masculine. Note that we’re adding “nuhl” this time, to ensure no one thinks we’re yelling about wanting to eat our own ass.

if u can read this u r gay - pirna'eth vassith, ainnatirith suennu sael nir-pulk

Literally: you are a f***** if you can see this in the dust. Two points here.

Firstly: there are less vulgar words for “gay” in Velothi, but let’s face it, that’s likely not the meaning here. Apologies, but slur it is.

Secondly: Ashlanders don’t read a whole lot, and consider it rather silly. In their way of thinking, putting knowledge onto something as fragile as paper is far less secure and permanent than passing it from person to person, in an oral tradition. Writing, then, in Velothi, is “marking with dust”, and reading is “seeing [something] in the dust”.

my anaconda don’t - da’ummadri sakul-maran huhl

Literally: my big snake doesn’t (do something). However, given the rest of the lyric is implied, we may want to translate using another verb, like so:

da’zoridri sakul-maran huhl - lit: my big snake doesn’t want (something).

Since Ashlanders make plenty of dick jokes about snakes (ghost and otherwise), there is no need to adapt the metaphor in translation - the meaning will be understood perfectly.

m’lady - han-huhl

Be aware that this is gender neutral, lit: “one respected by me”. If you really want to say “my woman”, you can try “sinta-huhl” but it has a different connotation, and you can expect to get slapped. Or cursed, depending on the woman involved.

I’m sorry. I’m writing real things too, I swear.